Jul 11, 2007

Hurting, Sorrow... Healing

It hurts so very, very much, this loss of someone I didn't even know yet. My body is still sharing his space, but he's very much gone. Today is better than the shock of yesterday. I feel more at peace but know there is a long road ahead.

I have post-partum depression quite badly after the birth of my children, starting with #3. I take meds that are so helpful and receive therapy when it's very bad.

When I was so sick after #3 (RooBoo) was born, I was advised to check into the hospital or go be cared for by someone capable. I chose to spend the two weeks it took for my meds to kick in staying with my mother-in-law. She cared for me and all my children while I recovered. After the birth of TheBoy (#4), she came and spent a week with me, helping me settle into my own house.

So now, when the hurting is so bad, when the anxiety is ramping up, when I can't bear to be away from home without nearly going out of my skin, my blessed mother-in-law will have us stay again. She will love and care for me as if I were her own child and not the stranger who married her last son.

We had planned to visit next week already. The kids enjoy spending a week with Gramma and Grampa attending vacation bible school each summer. But this time, we're all staying.

Hubbers. He is hurting, too. I feel such sorrow at his pain, wishing I could ease it. He is here for me, just to hold me, whenever I need. We've spent much of the past two days telling each other of our love, and how it will be okay. He needs to spend some time at Gramma's house, too, soaking up her loving reassurance.

I had prepared a number of posts for the week we were to be gone, and will post them daily. They're my normal, hopeful self.

Hubbers and I will heal, in time. There may even be another baby somewhere waiting for us. Whatever comes, our little one will be looking down from heaven, awaiting OUR arrival.



17 comments:

Aimee said...

I'm so glad you have arms to hold you, and a place to go to be cared for. I'm still praying for you all - I think about you so often during the day, more than you can probably imagine.

Oh, and you are not a whiny butt, even though you put that label on this post. You are a Mom with a broken heart, and we're all pulling for you. (Wish I lived closer, so that this didn't seem so internet stalker-ish, but you know where I'm comin' from, Lady)

Prayers and love to you.

Christine said...

Oh Sara, my heart goes out to you and your family. Please know that I am praying for all of you. May Mary wrap her mantle around you.

T with Honey said...

I don't know if you read Minnesota Mom but just yesterday she compiled a
list of her posts about miscarriage
at the request of another woman. Her words minsitered to my spirit and I thought you may find them healing too.

As with all loss the pain and healing takes time. And love, which you seem to have in abundance.

Multi-tasking Mommy said...

So glad to hear that you have such a caring family to wrap their arms around and care for you!
HUGS :)

Margaret in Minnesota said...

You are close to my heart in prayer today, dear Sara. (Actually, once you find a spot in it, you never leave. Sorry.)

You wrote: "My body is still sharing his space, but he's very much gone." How I understand this! It's a crazy thing, being a casket--which sounds harsh but is true--but it can also be one of the most tender, loving gestures on your part as a mother. Use this time to draw even closer to your child. Name him/her. Prepare for his/her arrival and conditional baptism. Pray.

Hugs & Love to the entire family. Be strong. Be faithful. Be your normal, hopeful self. :)

Barb, sfo said...

I will be holding you in my prayers today and as long as you need. May God bless and comfort your whole family.

Momto5Minnies said...

I may not know you, but your heartache touches me. I am so sorry for your loss.

God will comfort ...

Hazel said...

Having 4 sons, I hope I will be that kind of mother-in-law... you are in my prayers today.

Anonymous said...

Sara,

You continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. I hope your MIL is able to help you and hold you and just be there for you. Give those kids a hug and kiss from me and give yourself a big hug. Email or call me if you need to.

Love,
Marla

Ladybug Mommy Maria said...

I am so very, very sorry.

Prayers and hugs for you, friend.

God Bless you all.....

Awesome Mom said...

It is great that you can get such peace from your mother in law. I hope that you can come back refreshed.

KC said...

Praying for you and your family.

Ruth said...

I'm so sorry about the loss of your precious baby. I will be praying for you.

Angie said...

Sara -- I'm so, so sorry for your loss. I will be praying for all of you!

Christine said...

There is nothing easy about miscarriage. It is a loss that tears your heart open even as it wreaks havoc on the body. Know that your grief is shared by many and that God loves you!

Christine

Jane Ramsey said...

I'm so sorry, Sara. Prayers for you!

Karen E. said...

I am so terribly sorry. I know this pain, and you have my prayers.

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